You’ve been married happily for 47 years. What is the secret to your success?

Mutual respect, lots of quiet dinners-just the two of us. Making time for romantic moments; we both make efforts to surprise and please each other.

I mention this in my book, how delightful it is to come home to a phone message, ‘How are you? Just called to say. It’s your ever-loving. Can’t wait to see you tonight.’ 

You see, we are not only romantic partners and lovers but also best friends and never get bored with each other. I guess that’s the real secret.

Can you share some dating tips? 

To begin with, you have to treat the dating process as a JOB – you are working!  Be serious about it, follow the Dos and Dont’s of Chapter two and three of my book, To Catch a Man.

For example, your job while on the first date is very simple: get the second date. That’s it. Be singularly focused: the second date, the second date, the second date. I know you may be thinking, Second date? What if I don’t like the guy?  Good question! This is why I urge you to adhere to the Four-Date-Rule.

You say you are not flirtatious and don’t have model looks, yet you find that men seem drawn to you and like talking to you. Why do you think that is? 

Because I’m fun to be with. I listen to the men, and ask pertinent questions that indicate I’m listening and I’m interested in what they say. I always have a cheerfulness about me. I’m basically a happy person. How to get there? I’ll give you some clues and ideas in the book.

What challenges do women of today face on the dating scene? 

These days, with social media and so many online dating sites, it is more difficult than before for women to navigate the dating path. Words online can be deceitful and sometimes men (or women, depending on what you are looking for) can lead you on more than perhaps so when I was dating.

This means that those who are dating must be aware of it and of how they can be vulnerable by opening up online. I think, it is important to not keep messaging but to meet face to face, on neutral ground. That way, you can talk to each other and have a good idea of who the other person is, read their facial expressions and experience how they come across, and how they act towards staff and others. It will give you a good idea of who he is and how you feel about them.

Then, you can start following the dating rules as laid out in my book…

What are your views on speed dating, bars, and parties? 

This is outside my area of expertise, sorry. Let me just add that I have heard of many successfully meeting nice people through dating sites, through parties, or other (online) places. In fact, online is how my younger son met his fiancé.

As to more specifics about the online dating world, I’d suggest asking friends as to their experiences, to read about it, and most of all, to trust and follow your instinct.

Speaking of meeting your date for the first time, in your book, you insist that women should not consume alcohol during the first few dates. Why is that?

Yes, I state unequivocally, do not drink, do not smoke (or take any mind-altering substance). Consider the first date(s) as a job interview. Would you drink when you’re interviewing for a job? 

When you have a drink, you become relaxed. You would never go into an interview inebriated or stoned—you’d lose your edge. You want to be alert and aware of everything that’s going on.

You say that women should go on four dates before deciding whether to continue seeing a man (or date). But isn’t it possible that after one or two dates a woman can trust her instincts to embrace or reject a person? 

Unless your date is outright dangerous and all your instincts are warning you, I strongly advise you to sit out four dates.

In my opinion, you need a minimum of four dates just to see if he’s someone worth pursuing.  After all, you might wind up rejecting a fabulous man or partner whose fabulousness you only discovered after the third or fourth date.

This almost happened to me. It was the fourth date with my future husband that the magic occurred. And now 45 years later that magic still exists…

What exactly is a furtive smile – and how or why should women learn to smile this way?

It’s a special smile reserved for a special person, one that makes them feel good, that shows them they and they alone are the object of that smile; it can be beguiling and hint to endless possibilities…

How do you feel about blind dates?  

Generally speaking, all ways are good to meet ‘him.’ As you might recall I had a blind date once where I found out the man was quite controlling, and that was a moment to reflect, should I do this again or not but if you make sure you follow the rules, meet on neutral ground, then there should be no reason for you not to engage in blind dates.

Be open to possibilities. You can meet interesting people anywhere. Just the other day, I was in a gourmet grocery store waiting in line. In the next queu was a lovely looking man. I noticed he gave up his spot for a woman who was in a hurry. He was wearing casual clothes with a sports jacket and tie, most unusual in today’s world. I commented on his tie (which was really lovely) and we started chatting. Who knows where it would have ended if we both had been single…

With all the expectations involved in the dating process, it can feel like a lot of pressure. How to keep dating fun and enjoyable?

By keeping an open mind. The man you are dating might not become your forever-after but who knows, he could be a good friend. Who knows, through him you might meet your Mr Right…

Don’t go into the dating process with high expectations but instead, see it as an opportunity to meet new people, to have new experiences, to socialise and have enjoyable times.

And speaking of the man of your dreams, why not read my book, To Catch a Man and follow the rules. Practise the techniques mentioned, and you’ll be surprised how good it will make you feel.

The boost of confidence and belief in your wonderful, unique, self will perhaps give you that desired ‘je ne sais quoi’ men just love!

Jeannie Heller