Foreword

Woman #1: “All the good ones are taken.”

Woman #2: “That’s not true but it does feel true, doesn’t it?”

Woman #1: “Yeah, it certainly feels that way. Sometimes, I think I’ll never find anyone who’s right for me.”

Well, I’m here to tell you that you’re both wrong! It doesn’t have to be that way.

Who are you?

I’m Jeannie Heller, author of To Catch a Man, a book that will teach you how to have that great guy recognize the wonder of you. In fact, at this very moment, he’s out there looking for you.

He is?

To begin with, are you aware of how remarkable you are? Yes, each of us is unique and quite marvelous in our own way. There is something about you that is unlike anyone else. You have your own special charm.

How would you like to find someone who is the right match for you? Someone you’d enjoy spending time with? And, best of all, someone who considers you the most important person in his life?

All of this can happen; it’s easier than you think. You just have to understand how to use your power, your incredible power, the power of being a woman. Trust me, this will come easily.

Introduction

The snow had just started to fall, my favorite kind of snow—big, soft, fluffy. Outside the picture window, I watched the gentle sway of the oversized flakes as they slowly danced their way to the ground. I imagined these dollops of white possessing emotions. They seemed happy.

My lovely house was a storybook setting in a peaceful suburb. My 13-month-old baby boy was a much-wanted and adored child. At twenty-six, I had been married for five years and had all the material luxury one could want; yet I found myself gazing through the glass envying the silent white intruders from the sky.

I walked about with a gray cloud hovering closely above. It followed me everywhere. Initially, I dismissed it. Finally, I realized I had to face facts. I was miserable.

My husband and I married right after college, as was common at that time. It took only six months for me to realize it was a mistake. By the fifth year, I felt an overwhelming sadness. What to do?

I studied my situation earnestly. There was no way to avoid the conclusion. I wanted out of my marriage.

The largest hurdle to overcome was to find the courage to handle the ‘D-word,’ divorce. It was daunting. No one in my circle of friends and family had ever been divorced. In the late 1960s, it was a rare occurrence; in my protected universe, it never happened. What did a divorcee look like? How did she behave? What did she do? I couldn’t quite figure it out. There were no role models.

Once I realized that I couldn’t live like this anymore, a wise friend cautioned me not to be impulsive. “If you think getting divorced is the right thing to do now, why not wait a month, and see how you feel.” It sounded reasonable.

A month later I was on an airplane headed to Tijuana, Mexico, the place to go in those days for a ‘quickie divorce’ if you didn’t want to wait the two years New York State law required.

And so, I started my new life as a young divorced woman re-entering the dating world. Like you, I was frustrated by the social scene. It took quite a while to figure out how to negotiate my way around. No doubt I made loads of mistakes.

Eventually, I figured out some basic principles and practices that I used effectively while dating. What’s more, I ended up having fun in the process.

Human nature doesn’t change and these techniques are as effective today as they were then.

Perhaps you’re in your thirties, forties, fifties, or older, and you’d like to have a man in your life. You may be thinking you’re doing something wrong; maybe even convinced something is wrong with you.

No, there is nothing wrong with you.

As for doing something wrong while dating? Possibly.

I discovered strategies that produced wonderful results; for example, the way to use the magic of your smile. I’m not talking about the smile you give a shopkeeper, your boss, or your favorite aunt. No, I mean the furtive smile, the secret smile that you will give only ‘him.’ It will create an enchanting moment.

Let me explain how.

It was during my dating years, that I began to understand what it takes to be a man magnet. I recognized the basics, and how to apply them—I will happily share this information with my readers. I’ll also let you in on the secrets of the all-important pause, the very potent ‘non-kiss,’ and the advantage of being a little mysterious. These are techniques that, once mastered, will change the way men react to you.

The burning question on most women’s minds is simple: what do men want?

How would you like to learn the most underestimated and little understood desire of all men? Something of which even men themselves are unaware? Men, like all of us, want to feel important, valued and understood. In addition, there is a desire to be heroic. You can read more about this in the chapter, What Men Want. Above all, be authentic. Nothing turns a guy off more than someone who is insincere or phony. Treat all his comments and questions with respect.

I began to write this book shortly after an interesting encounter in the hospital room of a friend. margie was being discharged that day, and she was talking to Dana, a thirty-year-old nurse she’d befriended during her stay, about the difficulties of finding a good partner.

“My friend will be here shortly, Dana, and you have to meet her.” Margie knew Dana was single and fed up with dating. “She’s quite the expert on men, how to catch them and how to keep them.”

When I entered the room, there were several nurses and nurse’s aides to greet me. Word had spread. Margie explained that some of the women had questions. Would I mind? She introduced me, then turned to Dana, “My friend should be your dating coach.”

I laughed.

“It’s true!” Margie insisted. “I’ve never met anyone who knows more about dating and relationships. It’s remarkable. You’re happily married, still, men flock around you and you’re not flirtatious. How do you do it?”

Though having been married for many years, I enjoy talking to men and they seem to enjoy talking to me. Men seem to be drawn to me, and I assure you I am no movie star. So, what captivates them; what draws them in?

The women started to ask questions. I listened attentively as they described their dating experiences and frustrations.

“My problem is,” said one, “I don’t seem to attract men. I never know what to say to them and, after a date, they hardly ever call back. What am I doing wrong?”

“I’m sick of those dating sites,” said another. “The guys online are mostly creeps or losers, and I don’t know where the good ones are.”

“I agree,” said Dana. “I went out with a really nice guy last weekend, but he was too short, and would you believe he had a receding hairline? I could never… I need to be attracted to the guy.”

“Hold on everybody,” said Margie, “Let’s hear what my friend has to say. She’s a regular ‘man magnet.’”

I laughed again.

As for being a magnet, it took a while to sort that out. You see, I was divorced and part of the dating world for seven years before finding the man of my dreams. Along the way, I came up with some methods that became successful.

Life improved when I stopped worrying, learned to relax, and realized life was good, and would continue to be good.

Around that time, things seemed to turn around. The best news? It was then that I finally met my love.

What happened?

I changed my approach—inadvertently first, and then deliberately. If you feel like you’re getting nowhere, redirect. You can date in a smarter, better way.

In this book, you’ll be introduced to basic concepts that can help you reach your goal. As you start to feel empowered, you will experience rapid results. You will discover the amazing advantages a woman has as you become in charge of your life. I will show you how this works. What’s more, along with love and mutual respect, you will have found someone who adores you. Isn’t this what we all want?

This book will change the way you think—about dating and about yourself. So, where do we start?

“Begin at the beginning,” the King said gravely, “and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”

Wise advice perhaps for Alice, from Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland; but we are going to do things a little differently. We are going to begin before the beginning. Yes, it all starts before the first date.

In this book, I will recount a lot of zany stories, all true, from my time in the dating world with the hope that it will enhance your success as you search for that someone special. Even though today’s environment is quite different from the time that I was single, the basic concepts and techniques remain the same.

Throughout I will give you some novel ideas about where, when, and how to meet ‘him.’

Wait before going on that first date. There is much you need to know first.

Read this book if you seriously want to find a wonderful relationship with that important someone. Perhaps the two of you will wind up as great friends, maybe you’ll be delightful lovers, or possibly you will have found Mr. Right. Though there are no guarantees, if you follow these guidelines and principles, your life can and will change for the better. So, let’s head out To Catch a Man.